you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
