I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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