also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
