yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
