so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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