First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
