wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
