I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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