Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
