i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
