Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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