It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
