So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
