oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
