We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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