did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
