Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
