clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Come share oat with me in your robe
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
