oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
