i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
