Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
