so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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