you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
