Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
