Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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