dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
