Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
