Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
