sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
