I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Randomize
