Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
