Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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