There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
We left an ass print on the piano.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
