Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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