I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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