Whats the glycemic index on semen?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
