Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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