Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
