Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
