this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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