How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
