Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
