and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
