Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
