mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
