How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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