dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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