I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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