Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
