I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
